Another Blog

A professor of mine once told me, “It takes a great deal of arrogance to be writer… it’s a beautifully arrogant thing to believe what you have to write is important enough to be read.” I remember staring dumbly at the biscotti crumbs clinging to his goatee and the yellow ring snaking around the neck of his polo and he seemed like the grandest thing that would ever happen to me. He had it. And I prayed for it.

The thing is, I am arrogant. I really am, but not in a way that counts. I want to be arrogant in the writer way… in the read-this-for-you-not-for-me-way. I want people to scoff at my cliche conclusions and laugh at my labored wit and see life and God in new and old ways. I want to be beautifully arrogant.

And I think somewhere deep down where it matters, I’ve always wanted to have a blog. I just never wanted to be one of “those people”. Those people who think their thoughts are new and big and maybe more important. Those people who googled words to all of their favorite songs or bible verses so that they could find a blog title they could feel okay about (yeah I did). Those people who write for people so much that they forget how to write for themselves. Yes, it’s as judgmental as it seems. But it’s not so much that I personally feel that way towards bloggers; rather, I am fearful of other people feeling that way toward me. You see, I am quite wrapped up in what most people think of me, and because of this I have acquired a subtle but real fear of being a “those people”. And it’s all very dumb, I know. And it’s all very self centered. And I’m trying, okay?

I’m trying because I think God has made me a writer. I think words written are my most honest. And when I am most honest, I’ve found that He uses me to bring others to Him. Not always, but sometimes is enough.

So yeah, it’s just another blog really. But I’ll try my best to keep it fresh and funky. I’ll try my best to steer clear of most alliteration and to live by the rule of “less is more”. I’ll try my best to be bold and not just make a home for myself on the backspace key because I’m afraid and I want to be liked. I’ll take a stab at arrogance. Because if I’m writing what God is leading me to write, is it ever really arrogance at all? Maybe beautiful arrogance is really just holy confidence. In Him and not me.

Is that a cliche conclusion? Then perfect. Let’s begin.

 

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